Geithner boosts NASA funds to probe cosmos for bail-out cash

Scott Ott, editor of ScrappleFace.com, is also columnist for The Washington DC Examiner. Here’s an excerpt from his latest column, and a link to read more. You can access his other DC Examiner columns, or view PDF versions of the street edition of the paper, any time by clicking the ‘Columns‘ link at the top of the ScrappleFace homepage.

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Geithner boosts NASA funds to probe cosmos for bail-out cash
By Scott Ott, DC Examiner Columnist

Just a day after U.S. Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner proposed increasing U.S. contributions to his former employer, the International Monetary Fund (IMF) by $100 billion, he offered another plan to increase funding for NASA space probes to search for life, and sources of bail-out cash, on other planets.

“Let’s face it,” said an unnamed Treasury source, “Earth is too big to fail. We can all boost funding to the IMF, but at some point that’s like scooping water out of a bucket to fill the same bucket. The fundamental problem is that Earth is a closed economic system. To rescue the global economy we need help that’s literally out of this world.”
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Embryonic stem cell study offers cure for global warming

Scott Ott, editor of ScrappleFace.com, is also columnist for The Washington DC Examiner. Here’s an excerpt from his latest column, and a link to read more. You can access his other DC Examiner columns, or view PDF versions of the street edition of the paper, any time by clicking the ‘Columns‘ link at the top of the ScrappleFace homepage.

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Embryonic stem cell study promises cure for global warming
by Scott Ott, Examiner Columnist

Hailing a new era “when science is restored to the proper side of the political aisle,” President Barack Obama on Monday promised miraculous cures for a wide range of ailments when he signed an executive order expanding the scope of Bush-era federal funding for embryonic stem cell research.
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Obama to Harvest Stem Cells from Only Wealthy Embryos

(2009-03-07) — As he signs an executive order Monday lifting limits on federal funding for embryonic stem cell research, President Barack Obama said he intends to make the wealthiest Americans “bear their fair share of the burden.”

Following through on his inaugural promise “to restore science to its rightful place, and wield technology’s wonders to raise health care’s quality and lower its cost“, the president will order the National Institutes of Health to extract stem cells from embryos whose parents earn more than $250,000 per year, and to inject them into “the sick and crippled middle class.”

“Let me be perfectly clear,” Mr. Obama said, “if your family earns less than $250,000 per year, the federal government will not harvest one single stem cell from your embryos…not one single cell. In fact, for 95 percent of working families, my stem cell plan contains nothing but miraculous healing. That’s right, the cures are on the way.”

President George Bush, widely credited for blocking embryonic stem cell research, actually presided over the first federally-funded work in this area, only limiting the study to several dozen existing stem cell lines to avoid creating a market for what he called “spare parts” derived from humans.

“My predecessor kept us in the Dark Ages, allowing his morality to hinder our quest for immortality,” said President Obama. “And today, some say we should focus on adult stem cells, or other technologies with better track records that harm no one. But those voices fail to recognize that great achievement never comes without great sacrifice. We must not shrink from the certain surrender of what seems precious, because we fail to believe in that one-in-a-million chance at the miraculous. History will judge us.”

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After Green Speech, Hillary Returns from Europe on Bicycle

(2009-03-06) — U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton delivered a bold challenge in the European Parliament Friday, encouraging her audience to “never waste a good crisis” and seize this moment of global turmoil to build less carbon-dependent economies.

To demonstrate her commitment to clean, green transportation technology, Secretary Clinton will abandon her State Department jet and return to the United States astride an experimental flying bicycle.

The bike, built with a $735 million government grant as part of the Kansas-based ‘Project Elmira’, is just one of many advanced energy-security solutions that make up what some have dubbed ‘The New Green Deal’ of the Obama administration.

Like most green initiatives, the flying bicycle “requires some getting used to,” said a State Department spokesman. “But when you look out your window and see Hillary Clinton pedaling by in the clouds, laughing with joy, you realize the future is closer than you think.”

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Obama Rescue Buys New GM Car for Each New Bureaucrat

Scott Ott, editor of ScrappleFace.com, is also columnist for The Washington DC Examiner. Here’s an excerpt from his latest column, and a link to read more. You can access his other DC Examiner columns, or view PDF versions of the street edition of the paper, any time by clicking the ‘Columns‘ link at the top of the ScrappleFace homepage.

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Obama rescue buys new GM car for each new bureaucrat
By Scott Ott, Examiner Columnist

Just a day after a financial audit of General Motors showed “substantial doubt” that the automaker could stay afloat, the Obama administration announced a new rescue plan designed to “restore GM to its rightful status as the global symbol of labor union innovation and productivity.”
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Obama to Meet Queen, Planning Gift of CD Box Set

(2009-03-06) — When U.S. President Barack Obama meets with Queen Elizabeth II in advance of the G20 economic summit in April, Mr. Obama plans to continue his tradition of giving meaningful gifts to British dignitaries.

When Prime Minister Gordon Brown visited the White House this week, he received from the Obamas a collection of Top 25 American movies on DVD and his sons got toy versions of the president’s Marine One helicopter.

White House press secretary Robert Gibbs said the president has also put a lot of thought into what gift to present to Her Majesty at Buckingham Palace.

White House insiders report Mr. Obama has narrowed it down to a CD box set, Queen: The Crown Jewels, or a queen-sized mattress.

At the moment, the music seems more likely, since the image of a bare-armed Michelle Obama, with rippling biceps, carrying the mattress into the palace might detract from the pageantry of the moment.

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Obama to Drop Shield if Russia Helps with Limbaugh

Rush Limbaugh read this ScrappleFace story on his March 6, 2009 broadcast. You can hear the brief excerpt using the audio player below…
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(2009-03-05) — President Barack Obama has reportedly written another private note to his Russian counterpart offering to halt deployment of a defensive nuclear missile shield in Europe, this time in exchange for Russia’s help in dealing with U.S. talk-radio host Rush Limbaugh.

The White House immediately denied the existence of the letter to President Dmitry Medvedev, but acknowledged “ongoing internal deliberations over a measured response using all the tools of U.S. power, including diplomacy.”

Dealing with Mr. Limbaugh has taken the Obama administration’s focus off of other global trouble spots like North Korea, Iran and Chicago.

The rift between President Obama and Mr. Limbaugh started in January when the radio kingpin said of Mr. Obama “I hope he fails.” Tension escalated when Democrat pollsters discovered that Rush Limbaugh is the only remaining divisive Republican with name recognition higher than 10 percent.

White House spokesman Robert Gibbs, during his daily review of cable TV and radio personalities, said that President Obama won election, in part, “on a promise to be more inclusive, to talk with enemies, and to present an American face to the world that is more about dialogue and multilateral solutions than confrontation.”

“If President Obama intends to find common ground with the Mullahs in Iran,” said Mr. Gibbs, “He can certainly find a way to appease Rush Limbaugh.”

An unnamed State Department source said that when Secretary of State Hillary Clinton returns from the Middle East, the president will “dispatch her to Florida to engage Limbaugh in high-level talks to keep this situation from mushrooming.”

The State Department also released its standard diplomatic response statement, which covers everything from nuclear weapons deployment by hostile regimes, to Israeli destruction of houses in Palestinian ’settlements’, calling Mr. Limbaugh’s remarks “unhelpful.”

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Geithner to Catch Global Tax Cheats by Going Under Cover

(2009-03-03) — Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner announced today that he intends to crack down on U.S. companies that shelter foreign earnings from taxation in the U.S. by going personally under cover to infiltrate the havens of international tax dodgers.

Mr. Geithner, whose confirmation to the Obama cabinet was delayed by revelations that he had failed to pay U.S. taxes on income he earned while working for the International Monetary Fund (IMF), said his personal experience will help him to “slip in unnoticed to spy on evildoers.”

The Senate approved his nomination because he’s the only man who can rescue the nation from the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression.

“Now that I’m Treasury Secretary,” Mr. Geithner said, “I’ve been shocked to learn how many people and companies think they can avoid their patriotic duty to pay taxes. Then they parade around as if they’re the paragons of American virtue. The brazen hypocrisy of it all just galls me.”

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Bail out working, AIG soon won’t be too big to fail

Scott Ott, editor of ScrappleFace.com, is also columnist for The Washington DC Examiner. Here’s an excerpt from his latest column, and a link to read more. You can access his other DC Examiner columns, or view PDF versions of the street edition of the paper, any time by clicking the ‘Columns‘ link at the top of the page.

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Bail out working, AIG soon won’t be too big to fail
by Scott Ott, Examiner Columnist

The Treasury Department announced today that the bail out of AIG Insurance, which began in September under the Bush administration, is working better than expected.

Encouraged by the company’s loss of nearly $62 billion in the 4th quarter of 2008, the Obama administration injected another $30 billion into AIG this week.
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Scott Ott on Conservatism 2.0 Panel at CPAC [Video]

Scott Ott appeared with various conservative luminaries on a discussion panel about Finding Common Ground between social-fiscal and solely-fiscal conservatives. Watch the whole thing, or fast forward to the Scott Ott part by clicking the “Finding Common Ground” link under the video player. Start watching now.
UPDATE: Here’s a direct link to the Finding Common Ground session.

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